Friday, January 17, 2014

Four Kids and Counting

People often ask me if I'm done having kids and the answer I always give is "yes". I said I was done after Finnegan, after Oren, and after Tillie. Am I done? Yep!

I have a pros and cons list going in my head as to why we should or should not have another child. It's a big decision and one that I don't take lightly. One the one hand, I have devoted the last nine years of my life to babies. Nursing babies, changing babies, bathing babies. I don't know if I have it in me to do it again. It would be so freeing to not have a nursling. I could be gone for extended periods of time, someone else could put all of my children to bed, and I could get my body back in shape. Heck, maybe I would even buy a normal bra for the first time in nine years. It would be amazing. I wouldn't have to schedule my days around sleep or tired times and all of my children could dress themselves and wipe their own butt. My days could be spent gardening without worrying about a baby eating dirt or dog poop, sewing without constant interruptions, cooking new, more time consuming recipes, and maybe I could even start up a little business for salves, yarn, fiber, and honey.

On the other hand, I've always wanted four children, but now that we have four, I feel like there are others that we still need to meet to complete our family. We have been blessed with four beautiful, strong willed children. I love feeling the first little kicks from inside my womb. I love wondering who my baby is going to be and then seeing them for the first time. I love how empowered I feel after child birth (NOTE: I do NOT love child birth). I love breastfeeding and baby wearing. I love everything about having a baby. It is an absolute miracle that my body can create, grow, and sustain human life. I think mothering is the most important job in the world and children grow in the blink of an eye.

Sigh. See my dilemma?

P.S. I love my children beyond their newborn days. I love watching them discover their environment. I love those first steps, the first words, and every other first. I love seeing my child grow and learn and think.

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